Fall Seasons
A Play in Two Acts
by
Michael Thomas Tower
Approximate playing time: 1:45
© 1986-2005 Michael Thomas Tower
All Rights Reserved
Query regarding production, performance or presentation of this work
in any manner whatsoever should be directed to the author
MTTower@aol.com
fs0505b
Synopsis
Ken is an alcoholic. James is his ex-lover who succumbs to Ken's plea to visit him. James must fight to maintain his new-found "freedom" and not be pulled back into Ken's disastrous world of booze. Daniel is James's new lover, whose hidden past emerges to complicate the decisions that must be made. The troubled world of many relationships, regardless of the trouble's cause, is universalized in this picture of addiction and co-addiction, told with much humor as well as poignant drama.
Characters
Ken, James & Daniel -- men of approximately the same age.
Setting
All action takes place in the main living area of Ken's ground-floor apartment. This one room serves as living room, bedroom and artist's studio. The room is a mess. Discarded clothing, out-of-date newspapers, old fast-food containers, paper wadded and pitched, unpacked boxes worn from many moves, books in stacks, canvases bought with hope but dusty from neglect -- all evidence of a life out of order. But there are three distinct stacks of items on the floor: dirty clothing in one, paper trash in another, other kinds of trash in the third, including two or three beer cans and three pint-sized vodka bottles, one of which is about half full.
Fall Seasons
Act I
(at rise, no one is on stage. lighting indicates early-morning sun outside. There are no lights on in the room, leaving inside illumination subdued.
(The bed has not been made and the bedding is gathered into a form vaguely suggesting that someone could be lying under the bedspread.
(Within moments we see ken coming into view "outside." he crawls over the fence and moves toward the SR door. he is carrying a small white paper bag. he stumbles over something we can't see and there's the sound of a loud "Meow!")
ken
Shit! Watch out, you stupid little critter!
(ken watches the "cat" run away and calls after it.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
I'm sorry, Benny, but you know not to sleep there!
Told him a thousand times!
(he recovers from the mishap and enters the SR door, moving in a way that gives a clue to the hangover he's suffering. When he glances at the bed he makes a noticeable effort to move quietly, so as not to disturb the person he assumes to be there.
(he takes a small milk carton from the bag and starts to take it into the kitchen, then changes his mind and pours all of the milk into a container he finds nearby, and sets it outside the SR door.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
(A loud "whisper")
Come on, Benny, you worthless scab-assed runt. I said I'm sorry.
(While we don't see the cat, we can tell it's walking toward Ken by ken's reaction. His voice is restrained so as not to disturb the person in bed.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
You know you're the best friend I've got, and I don't go around stepping on friends. ... Well, that's not altogether true. But it's hardly ever intentional.
(As ken returns to the room, he is puzzled by the piles of clothing and trash. he then notices the vodka bottles and he quickly checks to see if they are empty. The last one he picks up has some booze left in it, so he furtively stashes that in a drawer. he finds a bottle of aspirin and shakes some tablets into his hand. he glances around, sees a glass with clear liquid in it, sniffs to make sure it's drinkable. Noticing something in the liquid, he uses his finger to remove the object, flicks it away, then washes down the aspirin.
(he turns on a light, then goes to the bed, anticipating waking its occupant. he's smiling with expectancy as he makes his move.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
(Quietly, tenderly)
Hey, James?
(ken carefully stretches out on the bed and puts his arm around the "person" which causes him to realize, with alarm, that it's only a bundle of bedding. he immediately goes into panic mode.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
God damn him!
(Runs to SL door, fumbles with the handle)
Shit -- come on!
(Gets door open, steps into hall and yells)
James? James!
(Frustrated and angry)
Shit all to hell! God damn him anyway!
(ken steps back into the room, slamming the door in frustration. Immediately we hear james's voice coming from the bathroom.)
(offstage) james (offstage)
Is that you, Ken?
(ken is immediately flooded with relief.)
ken
Yeah! It's me. You in the bathroom?
(The door to the bathroom opens, but James remains out of view.)
(offstage) james (offstage)
Yeah.
(A beat)
I thought maybe you'd, uh ... left.
ken
Oh, no, I just went out for a few minutes.
(A beat)
Did you find a clean towel?
(james comes out of the bathroom, fully dressed except for shoes. His hair is wet and tousled. he's carrying a bathrobe and buttoning his shirt.)
james
A clean one? I don't think that's possible. I shook myself dry.
ken
Not quite.
(ken reaches over to use his fingers to remove a rivulet of water from James's face. james recoils slightly from the touch, then he pitches the robe onto an over-burdened chair.)
james
Your robe ...
(As the conversation continues, james finds his shoes and puts them on.)
ken
You're welcome to use it ...
(Suggestively)
... anytime.
james
(Ignoring the insinuation)
Didn't put it on ... after I noticed that, uh, montage of coagulation down the front.
ken
Yeah, I've been intending to wash the thing. Recognize it?
james
The robe? ... or the stuff that's on it? -- which I do recognize, just don't know whose it is ...
ken
Happens to be clam chowder ... I think.
james
I do recognize the robe, of course. It's the one I gave you.
ken
First Christmas we were together.
james
Only Christmas we were together ... if you can call it "together" ... and I'm surprised you remember that much about it.
ken
Oh. Was that one of the holidays I, uh, celebrated with a little too much religious fervor?
james
You disappeared for a week, and when you came home you didn't smell like any religion I've ever sniffed.
ken
Well, that was a long time ago. No point in digging up all that old crap now --
james
(Overlapping/interrupting)
Six and a half days you were gone, to be precise.
ken
(Trying to keep it light)
You've always been one to be ... precise.
james
From early Christmas morning till mid afternoon New Year's Day ...
ken
Didn't we go over this, way back then, when it happened --
james
(Overlapping/interrupting)
In time for New Year's dinner.
(Indicating the robe)
There's some of that on there, too.
ken
It's not that bad.
james
(Finger-combing his hair)
Your blow-drier doesn't work.
ken
Burned it out trying to quick-dry a painting, which sold for less than a blow- drier costs.
james
Comb I could use?
ken
Somewhere ...
(Scrabbling through stuff, looking for a comb)
May have to use a fork.
james
There's not a clean one of those, I'm quite sure ...
(ken finds a comb and hands it to james. james picks some long white hair out of it.)
(continuing) james (continuing)
Grooming yaks nowadays?
ken
Just a cat. A transient friend.
(james drops the comb without using it and looks in the mirror to do what he can with his fingers. For the first time ken really notices the bedspread.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
James ...
james
Hmm?
ken
What's this thing on the bed?
james
What thing?
ken
This horrible ugly thing with matted fringe?
james
Bedspread?
ken
Didn't know I had one.
james
Where I found it I'm not surprised.
ken
That's one ugly sucker.
james
Reason I didn't try to make the bed -- that, the smell ... and the sheets won't bend.
ken
Somebody would have to be bombed to the gills at a low-class flea market to buy something like that.
james
That was my guess.
ken
And that stuff ...
(Points to the orderly piles of clothing and trash)
What's this?
james
For a few minutes I had a crazy notion about cleaning up around here ...
ken
Not sure the room could withstand the trauma.
james
... then decided that wasn't how I wanted to spend the rest of my life.
ken
(Pointing out the various piles)
Animal, vegetable, mineral ... ?
(With two fingers, james carefully picks up a dirty sock he's just noticed and pitches it onto the pile of dirty clothes.)
james
And gasses that would win wars.
ken
Just haven't found a good reason to clean the place.
james
If you ever do, you'll need a garbage truck, a street sweeper, and a flame thrower.
ken
Housekeeping's never been my strong point. You know that.
james
You used to be short on organization, but you weren't a bottom-feeder.
ken
Aw, now, this place has real potential ...
james
As a lab for developing bacterial weapons.
ken
Could be fixed up ... made very livable.
james
For what species of vermin?
ken
For us, James.
(A beat; seriously)
You and me.
(Ken's statement obviously bothers james, but he immediately tries to cover that reaction.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Out with the old, in with the new. New color, new furniture, new arrangement ... new life!
(A beat)
We never really gave it a fair chance before, James.
(james is carefully checking himself in the mirror, providing diversion from having to acknowledge Ken's disturbing suggestion.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
I'm serious, James.
(A beat)
Let's give it another try.
(A beat)
I know we could make it work this time.
(A beat)
What do you say?
(A beat.)
james
Do you have any coffee around here?
ken
You're changing the subject.
james
I'm well aware of that.
ken
Don't.
james
Do. Coffee?
ken
Kitchen would be my guess.
james
That would surprise me ...
(ken sees an instant-coffee jar and grabs it.)
ken
Oh, wait. Here's some. It's, uh ...
(Opening the jar and checking the contents)
Never mind.
(james rolls his eyes and exits kitchen door. ken puts the coffee jar down.
(The following action takes place as the conversation continues. ken hurriedly looks around; then he sees a drawing tablet. he grabs it and tears two sheets of paper from it. he kicks stuff away to clear a space on the floor and puts the sheets of paper down. he gets the white paper sack he brought in and takes from it two pastries and places one on each piece of paper. he takes napkins from the sack, folds them meticulously, and places one beside each pastry.)
(offstage) james (offstage)
Want some?
ken
Coffee?
(offstage) james (offstage)
I hope that's what this is ...
ken
Sure. It'll go with what I've got.
(offstage) james (offstage)
Hope it isn't something contagious ...
ken
That's the reason I went out -- to get us some breakfast.
(offstage) james (offstage)
What is it?
ken
A hint: It's edible, even if it is past its prime -- and it's cheap.
(offstage) james (offstage)
You've just described most of my friends.
ken
(Laughing)
It's in the food category, not the dude category.
(offstage) james (offstage)
Well I hope you got it by entering a door rather than lifting a lid.
ken
Don't knock lid-lifting. It's an honorable regression. Find the coffee?
(offstage) james (offstage)
I think so. Awful ... chunky.
ken
As long as it isn't squirming ...
(james enters carrying two cups with coffee in them.)
james
That was exciting. Feel like I've been on an archeological dig.
(james doesn't see the pastries on the floor, and he steps squarely on one.)
(continuing) james (continuing)
What the hell ... ?
ken
(Laughing)
You just stepped on your breakfast.
james
My breakfast?
ken
That one had cherry filling.
james
Why did you put food on the floor?
ken
There's no room on the table.
james
There's a table in here?
ken
Besides, I wanted a picnic. Remember? Old times' sake ...
(As they talk, ken takes the damaged pastry and pitches it aside; james picks it up and places it on the "proper" trash pile as ken gets another sheet of paper, tears the remaining pastry in half and places a piece on each sheet of paper. Then they sit and start eating their pastry.)
james
The old times are just that, Ken: old times -- past, former, gone, retired, departed, defunct ...
ken
Don't be such an old thesaurus.
james
... ancient history with a language long dead.
ken
Now you're getting historical.
james
Because I remember what happened.
ken
Then you remember we had some really good times.
james
Besides, we're jinxed when it comes to picnics. You know that.
ken
I was hoping the statue of limitations had run out.
james
The statue of ...
(A sudden amusing recollection)
Oh, jeez ...
(they are remembering something that brings on laughter. james doesn't want to laugh, but he can't help it.)
ken
You remember that?
james
Yes, I remember ...
ken
That smelly old antique shop about a block from where we lived ...
james
Only genuine antique in there was the old fart who ran it.
ken
And his belching and bug-eyed fart-ess!
james
The duke and duchess of Krapengrad.
ken
She claimed to be Anastasia's cousin or something, twice removed.
james
She'd been removed many more times than that.
ken
And one day there was this god-awful wood carving in the window with the three monkeys -- see no speak no hear no evil ...
james
(Laughing)
Don't! Don't ...
ken
And you marched in there and went up to that old man and said, "There's something in the window I'm interested in. How much is that statue of limitations?"
(they begin to recover from the laughter.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Oh, jeez, James -- we had so many really great times together.
(As they recover from laughing, they return to eating the pastry in seconds of silence.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
I like this.
james
Seems kind of dry to me.
ken
(Indicating pastry)
Not that ...
(Opens arms to encompass their togetherness)
This! Being with you again. It's ... really nice.
(A beat)
I'm glad you came over last night.
(A beat)
And you haven't answered my question.
(A long beat.)
james
What question?
ken
You know ... about us ... getting back together ...
james
You're not serious.
ken
I am.
james
Really was hoping you weren't.
ken
(Tastes his coffee and immediately splutters)
God, this is terrible!
james
All I could find was that brown generic chunky ... whatever ...
ken
And generic tap water?
james
I'm not here long enough to bring anything to a boil.
ken
This may be termite diggings.
james
Well it's organic. How bad can it be?
ken
Hemlock is organic.
james
Don't remind me. Milk might help. You must have something white in there. I'd settle for furniture polish.
(james gets up to head for the kitchen when he spots the milk carton Ken emptied earlier for the cat. he picks it up, peers in, sniffs it ... )
(continuing) james (continuing)
It's fresh, which is astounding ... but empty.
ken
I gave it to Benny. An apology for kicking his lazy ass.
james
Benny?
ken
Benedict Arnold. Turns on me all the time. My name for him. Neighbor's cat, hangs out here. Close friend. ... The cat, not the neighbor.
james
The only thing in this place with an expiration date in this century, and you give it to a cat.
(Sips his coffee, reacts much as Ken did)
Good grief!
ken
(Laughs)
You didn't believe me?
james
Apparently there's a Folger's plantation at Gernoble. That shit is toxic.
ken
Sorry. I'm not well prepared for entertaining.
(They munch in silence, but ken is smiling at James and james tries to ignore what that might mean. ken reaches over to brush a crumb from the corner of James's mouth, but james takes Ken's hand and moves it away.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
You had a crumb ...
(Hoping to focus Ken's attention somewhere else, james starts talking about the painting.
(At some convenient point in the ensuing dialogue, they will get up and put their cups and pieces of paper out of the way.)
james
(Indicating painting in chair)
Noticed you're working. How long you been on that?
ken
Couple of weeks ... long time ago.
james
Oh, yeah, I noticed the paint's dry.
ken
Well, it's acrylic.
james
You used to say you'd never paint with plastic.
ken
Sometimes you need to speed life up.
james
It's good.
ken
Half of what I do is always good. That's the reason I never finish.
james
What if it's the last half that's the good half?
ken
Then I'll just have to learn to paint backwards.
james
Selling anything?
ken
A seascape with an ocean the same color as the green of the leaves in the little wife's new sofa. A portrait of the family's beloved pet that just passed over. Ever try to pose a dead dog? Jerry Garcia on black velvet -- talk about a dead head.
james
You're better than that.
ken
Miniatures are hot sellers -- hawk 'em at street fairs. Shitty little pieces of crap people buy because they're cute. Tell me, was art ever supposed to be ... cute? ... Still ... it's never quite enough to calm the landlord's nerves. Fact is ... I haven't sold anything in a month.
james
You should finish this one.
ken
You're the only person who's ever given me any real encouragement with my painting.
james
I seem to remember giving you a very expensive easel one time.
ken
I, uh, kind of ... hocked that a while back. Sorry.
james
Anything I ever gave you, you ...
(A beat)
It was yours, to do with as you please.
ken
Only time I ever did any really good, honest work was when we were together.
(james ignores the remark and turns to gather cups and remnants of their breakfast. he exits into the kitchen, immediately returning empty-handed.)
james
I've got to go, Ken. Meter maids will be released from their cages for feeding any moment and I don't want to be attacked by another one of those --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
James, we've got to talk.
james
We have talked.
ken
About us! We haven't talked about us!
james
I'm parked at a meter.
ken
We need to talk.
james
I don't want a ticket!
ken
Go put some quarters in.
james
I need those for laundry!
ken
James ...
james
I've got to go!
ken
You're ruining a perfectly good reunion.
james
This is not a reunion! Shouldn't even be here.
ken
Good God, man, we haven't seen each other for ages.
james
Less than two years ...
ken
We had a good visit last night and you were friendly enough then. What's the problem now? Oh, it's the coffee, isn't it? You don't like dark-roasted French termite.
james
It's just that ... I shouldn't have come! Shouldn't be here.
ken
I see.
james
No you don't.
ken
Oh, I think I do. Because you've got some kind of freaky cross-wiring in your emotional system, you figure the best way to deal with me is to deny that you still love me.
james
Don't start that shit, Ken.
ken
Go on! Handle your troublesome feelings the only way you know how: Deny they exist! Just do me a favor and be sure to pull the street door shut when you get the fuck out of here!
(ken turns and goes out the SR door, where he can still be seen through the window. james starts toward the SL door, then hesitates, torn between leaving and staying long enough to say a little more. ken looks in to see James still there.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Go on! Get out of here! You're just more clutter! I've got too much of that in my life already!
(james stands still. Suddenly ken stomps back into the room, opens the drawer where he put the vodka and takes that out. he starts looking for a glass.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
I said get the fuck out of here! I've got things to do!
(A beat.)
james
Why did you call me last night?
ken
Just forget it! Couple of days you won't remember a thing about this little rendezvous ... since it means nothing to you at all.
(ken's search becomes more frantic.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Didn't have to come! Sure as hell don't have to stay! But god damn fuck it all, here you are! Where's a mother-fucking glass, for god's sake ... !
(Just as suddenly begun, the frenzy stops and ken is quiet and contrite.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
I'm sorry, James. I don't ... know, it's ... just that ... well ... seeing you again, it ... it means even more to me than I thought it would.
james
Yeah. I, uh ...
(A pause; finds no words to go on)
ken
And I really don't want you to go. ... Not yet. ... not now.
(A beat)
Thank you for coming when I called last night. ... I, uh ... kind of surprised you did.
james
I don't know if I ... It has been a while. ... Wanted to see how you're doing. ... Despite ... well, there's all that stuff ... the shit we've gone through ... but I do care about you, Ken. ... Can't fucking help it, seems. I'll always care about you ...
(Several seconds of heavy, uncomfortable silence pass. ken turns and looks out the window when he finally speaks.)
ken
What time is it?
james
(Glances at his watch)
Almost nine.
ken
No ... time of the year.
james
What? ... It's ... October.
ken
Really?
james
Barely.
ken
Ah. Good. I wasn't too far off ...
(Still looking out the window)
Can't see much from here, but ... you can tell. The sky ... air ... light. Fall has a feel, doesn't it? -- the whole damned space of it is different. Crisper, sharper. Leaner. Doesn't have the heaviness of summer ... the loneliness of winter. And spring's just a big tease that never lives up to the promise. I like fall.
(A beat)
Still your favorite time of the year?
james
Oh, I, uh ... guess I haven't thought about it for a while.
ken
You used to think it was the best time.
james
Yeah ... fall's nice ... the colors ... start of the holidays ... the ones that count ...
ken
Mmm.
(A beat)
And we met in the fall, didn't we?
james
Surprised you remember.
ken
Could never forget that. Obvious case of love at first sight.
james
Was it?
ken
That's what you told somebody at the party ... only minutes after we met.
james
I have been known to exaggerate.
ken
But, to be honest, I don't remember actually seeing you until the next day.
james
Mid-afternoon, I think ...
ken
I must have been a mess.
james
Back then ... I guess I wouldn't have noticed.
ken
So love is blind?
james
That's the only reason the whole concept of passion has survived all these centuries.
(A beat.)
ken
Did I tell you I lost June this year?
james
Who?
ken
Whole month. I never lost a whole month before.
(Making light of it)
I remember Memorial Day up until about noon. Next thing I knew it was July fifth. The fifth, for God's sake! I missed the whole damned holiday.
james
As long as you didn't miss Cinco de Mayo. That was your favorite day to celebrate.
(ken suddenly remembers something fun and becomes very animated as he starts singing.)
ken
The fifth of May,
two-fifths of tequila,
and five-fifths of you, of you. Olé!
Remember that? Whoo, what a party that was! Hadn't thought of that in ages.
(As ken starts to sing the ditty again, he tries to draw james into a kind of dance, but james resists and backs away -- a rejection that ken tries to pass off as meaningless.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
The fifth of May,
two-fifths of tequila,
and five-fifths of you, of you. Olé!
Damn, what genius came up with that?
james
I believe that was you.
ken
That's what I thought.
james
Not some genius.
ken
Is Bastille Day still in July? That's another good holiday -- celebrating the night they invented champagne and brandy and cucumber mousse.
james
I don't think that's what it's all about.
ken
Hey, maybe that's my purpose in life -- celebrating non-American holidays.
(ken goes to the CD player and pushes a button that turns it on. The sound of music suitable for close-dancing is heard.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Do you ever get out to dance, James? Man, that's another thing we were good at. You remember that benefit thing we went to? We fucking wowed'em. Come on -- for old time's sake. This -- this! -- is not a dump. It is our magical ballroom -- our very own universe -- the stars up there -- see them all? -- spinning around, bright and shining, reflecting the light of love onto all our hopes and our dreams. Look around you, James. Look at the twinkle and flash and sparkle and gleam. Look at it spell out our names!
(As ken reaches out to James, james goes to the CD player and pushes a button that turns it off. Then he turns to Ken.)
james
Why did you call me last night?
ken
Why did you come?
james
Because you called me!
ken
No, that's the result, not the reason.
(A pause.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
You know why you came, James.
james
No ... really, I ... wish I do ...
ken
You know.
james
I said I don't know, dammit! I want to know! I need to know!
ken
If you didn't know, you wouldn't be so scared right now.
(A beat)
Hm?
(A beat)
You used to know why you did things.
james
Did I?
ken
So rational. So ... "directed" -- isn't that what you called it?
james
"Centered" I think was the word I used then.
ken
That hasn't changed, has it?
james
Nothing's the same.
ken
Really?
(A beat)
You told me one time you'd never come again if I called when I was drunk.
james
Your memory is better than I thought it would be.
ken
I thought maybe yours was failing.
james
You never called me when you were sober.
ken
Maybe ... maybe not.
james
After I finally got away from you, you never phoned me unless you were drunk.
ken
How would you know? You just always assumed I was drunk.
james
Did you? Did you ever call me when you were sober?
ken
Now you are wondering, aren't you?
james
You were drunk last night.
ken
Yes. I was.
(A beat)
And I needed you last night.
(A beat)
And ... thank God ... you came when I called.
(A beat.)
james
(With heavy sigh)
Oh dear God ...
ken
I'm glad you did.
(A beat)
I needed you ... and you came.
(A beat)
Thank you, James.
(A beat)
Oh, hey, I think there's some tea in the kitchen. "Celestial Harmony" or some divine shit you'll love. Let me see. I'll fix some -- throw that thick, brown crap out and then we can have some good tea --
james
(Overlapping/interrupting)
No! ... No. I won't be here that long.
ken
No trouble ...
james
Just shut up, would you?
(A beat; starts looking for jacket)
I've got a jacket here somewhere ...
ken
James, you do know why you came here last night, don't you? -- when I called you?
(A beat)
I can tell you why.
(A beat)
Because you still love me.
(A beat)
Because ... you ... still ... love ... me.
james
Why are you going on like this? What the hell do you think you're doing?
ken
I'm not doing anything, for Christ's sake! I just want to talk with you. I think it would be good for you if you could understand why you do this --
james
(Overlapping/interrupting)
I haven't seen you for ages ...
ken
Less than two years, you said --
james
(Overlapping)
We agreed not to see each other again.
ken
Did we?
james
We thought that was best.
ken
You said you thought that was best. Nobody asked my fucking opinion.
james
I didn't want to see you again!
ken
Oh, of course -- I see. Until I phoned last night. Why, you hadn't even thought of me for nearly two years, right? Then, when you heard my voice, this sudden, uncontrollable urge came over you to see me. Was that what happened? Out of sight, out of mind?
You haven't wanted to see me? Bull shit! Come on, James -- what you and I have doesn't turn on and off like that!
james
What you and I have is ... nothing!
ken
Nothing?
james
Nothing like what you seem to have in mind!
ken
What do you have in mind?
james
Wouldn't expect you to understand!
ken
I'd like to.
james
I wish to God you could.
ken
Help me, then! Help me to understand! I want to know! Whatever this great knowledge is that you have, share it the fuck with me!
james
I don't know anything!
ken
Jeez ...
(A pause.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
How's your home life, James?
james
What do you mean?
ken
You're with someone, you said. Didn't you tell me that last night? Your eyes didn't light up when you told me about him, but I'm sure I remember you saying that you're with someone --
james
(Overlapping/interrupting)
Yes, yes! I'm ... with someone.
ken
So you've been experiencing a well-tempered, tranquil and gratifying domesticity.
james
What I have with Daniel is ... good.
ken
Good.
james
That's what I said.
ken
No, I mean -- that's good. That you have that.
james
Been very ... content.
ken
(Mockingly)
Content.
james
Satisfied!
ken
He sounds downright ... spunky. I'm sure he meets your every need.
james
He's a very sweet guy. Kind ... thoughtful ... stable ...
ken
And sober?
james
Yes! Sober.
ken
I'll bet he jogs, adores Beethoven, reads the Wall Street Journal. After dinner, a small glass of sherry -- dry. Just one. More medicinal than social. And, of course, he doesn't smoke. So you quit, too. Dangerous thing to do, by the way -- quit smoking. Did you know that a cigarette is the link between orgasm and reality? Jumping directly from sex to sanity disconnects the link between
(Starts singing the familiar melody)
"the psy-chee bone and the head bone. Now hear the word of the Lord." Amen!
How is he in bed? Stable there, too, I suppose. And kind. And thoughtful. Not to mention the ever-lovin' ... sober.
How long has it been, James, since you and he discovered a quiet spot by the river and decided to make love right there? ... or rode through a spookhouse at a carnival, pretending to be scared so you could wrap yourselves up in each other's arms? ... or woke up in the middle of the night and said with that devilish laugh of yours, "Hey, let's go get algunos burritos, amigo"? How long has it been since he sneaked up behind you, slipped his arms around your waist, kissed you on the neck and whispered, "I love you"?
james
Well you never did that.
ken
How long since he simply reached over and took your hand and smiled at you for no reason other than ... he just wanted to?
james
We're, uh, more ...
ken
If you say mature, I'll throw up.
james
We're not so much like that.
ken
I know what you're like -- what you used to be like. What I'd be willing to bet you're still like, if only ...
james
I, uh ... things are different now. I like the way things are ...
ken
So you said. Kind and considerate, you said. Stable, you said.
james
And sober, I said.
ken
By all means -- let's not forget "sober." How long have you been with, uh ... what's his name?
james
Daniel.
ken
Oh, that sounds strong. Absolutely Biblical. How long?
james
Year and a half, almost.
ken
So it took you all of six months to get over me?
james
Less, actually.
ken
Isn't the human heart amazing? Without even trying, a person can fall in love, blissfully and totally, in a matter of seconds. But you can spend a lifetime trying like hell to fall out of love, and never succeed.
james
If that were the case, the answer would be never to fall in love in the first place.
ken
You, of all people, can't believe that.
james
Even as I stand here, I'm thinking of its advantages.
ken
Tell me something. How often do you think of me when you're having sex with Danny Boy?
james
What?
ken
You heard me. We really did have an amazing sex life. You told me yourself -- a dozen times? -- that you could never imagine having anything like what you and I had.
james
I never expressed it in terms nearly so glorious. Besides, you were never really good unless you'd had a couple -- on your way to being drunk but not there yet.
ken
Oh, crap.
james
It's true!
ken
But you do sometimes pretend it's me you're with, don't you? -- when you're with Daniel?
james
Shut the fuck up!
ken
Well?
james
I don't ever think of you like that!
(A beat)
Not for a long time.
ken
Oh, now ...
james
I don't, you egotistical psychobitch!
ken
(Goading)
Occasionally?
james
There are some pretty damned exciting memories, okay? But that's not the same as hoping or wishing or missing, and I sure as hell don't fantasize about you!
ken
You're lying.
james
Averaging it all out, you weren't that good.
ken
I think about you a lot ... wishing I was with you.
james
Of course you do.
ken
We should have stayed together, James. We had a good thing going.
james
Yes, didn't we. You drank all the time -- I cried all the time. Perfect match.
ken
You did tend to get a bit emotional.
james
And that upset you.
ken
A little, I'll admit.
james
Enough to knock me across the room.
ken
Once.
james
There are times you don't remember ...
ken
I apologized, didn't I? If I didn't, I'm doing it now. I'm sorry.
james
Yeah, gee, thanks a lot. That just made me forget a lot of scrapes and bruises that, by the way, won't ever fucking heal ...
ken
Shit, James -- I really am sorry! For that -- for being a drunk, for being a liar, for for for all the rotten things I did to you!
james
Yeah, yeah! Okay. It's done. It's over. It's ... past. Let's just dig a hole and bury those old bones, all right? Surely they're gnawed down to the marrow by now ...
ken
Jeez, James, it wasn't all bad for you, was it?
james
No, of course not. There were several wonderful minutes.
ken
Come on. We had some great times.
james
Yes, dammit, you're right ... there were good times.
ken
Like that day at the lake?
james
Don't.
ken
We rowed out a ways, and you started acting silly and rocking the boat. Then I slung the oar around, hit the picnic basket -- it flew out into the lake and sunk like a brick. We sat there and laughed till we couldn't see straight. Then you leaned over to fish out a salami sandwich that had floated to the surface, capsized the boat, and there we were standing in the lake -- water wasn't even up to our waists ... two apples and a plastic fork bobbed to the surface ... laughed so hard my stomach hurt for a week ...
(ken enjoys the reminiscence, then notices james is resisting the fun of it. ken moves toward james.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Oh, man, James -- we did have good times.
(james moves away from him.)
james
And that's all I used to let myself remember. The good times. I just covered up all the other crap. I could feel so damned good, when you weren't drunk, just being with you. Just ... good. I felt ... good.
ken
I know what you mean.
james
No you don't. But that's what I thought it could be like all the time, if we could just ... make it. If you would just ... sober up.
ken
Don't you see, James, if you'd hung on just a little longer, we could have made it.
james
Yeah. If you would sober up, if you could stick with it, if I could stand the anxiety and worry, if you could hold down a job, if this if that if some fucking other thing -- so sure we could build a life on the ifs of it all.
My God, that's what I was doing: Working so hard to build on a foundation of Maybe -- working so damned hard to hold together what wasn't working and what could never be anything other than what it already was! And that was never anywhere close to being enough! Jesus!
ken
Each time I dried out, I honestly thought that would be it.
james
No you didn't.
ken
I hoped! Damn, James, I hoped!
james
I always thought you were trying. I had to believe that ... but, then, always ... after two or three weeks ...
ken
Sometimes more ...
james
Usually less, the alcoholism would set in again -- even before the drinking started. You'd convince yourself -- even me! -- that going to an AA meeting was a waste of time. That was something the "weak" ones did. You'd reached a level of enlightenment that took you above such fledgling needs.
ken
So I'd suggest going for pizza instead of AA, and you trotted right along ...
james
And you'd sit there and tell me how I was mismanaging my life -- how what I did and thought was causing you anxieties you couldn't deal with ...
ken
I didn't expect you to buy into it the way you did.
james
Hook, line and Cinco de Mayo. I knew what was going to happen next, but I wouldn't let myself believe it.
ken
I knew too, James -- and I really didn't want it to happen.
james
But you didn't know what to do about it. Right?
ken
Still don't.
james
Bull shit!
ken
Oh, fine! What the hell do I do about it, Mister Smartest-Ass-in-the-Universe?
james
I have no fucking idea! But I'm not the one who needs to know. That's what I finally realized. The drinking is your problem and if you ever get out of it it's got to be because of what you do!!
ken
You don't know what it's like! Jesus! I am fucking powerless at that point. When it gets like that -- something inside of me fighting to get out and eat me alive! -- there is nothing that can stop me from drinking. I don't have any fucking control over it!
james
Fine! Fine, Ken! So you have no control! Well, I don't fucking care anymore! Okay? I do not fucking care!
ken
Yes you do, James! You do care! My God, there's got to be someone left in this fucking world that cares about me! And it's you, James! I know you care!
(A pause.)
james
Do you remember that time when we played pool at that bar over by the courthouse ... ?
ken
A game you didn't care for at all.
james
But you did! So I tried!
ken
You gave so much of yourself away, James.
james
So there we were, the place was packed, people were laughing and having a good time, and I was hurting so goddamned bad I couldn't stand it, because I knew you were getting ready to drink. I called a shot: six-ball in the corner pocket. You and the others laughed like hell because it wasn't possible. I couldn't even see through the blur of tears when I hit a bank shot that hit the four-ball that knocked that six-ball hard and solid into that corner pocket.
ken
An absolutely perfect accident, but it was a beautiful shot, man.
james
And I started crying. People were standing there applauding the damned shot, and I started crying!
ken
That was embarrassing as hell, by the way.
james
You'd been sober for six goddamned weeks! Six unbelievably fantastic weeks! And I knew that period of sobriety was coming to an end. I could see it, feel it. We'd put so damned much into it ... and I knew it was going down the fucking drain.
ken
I was trying, man. I really was.
james
It was the next day that ... everything came to an end.
ken
Just one more sober period down the drain ...
james
But it was more than that. That time it was more.
ken
What do you mean?
james
Before that next day was over, I knew I'd had all I could take. I'd gone the distance.
That morning, before I went to work ...
ken
Oh yeah ...
james
... you talked to me, told me how you were feeling -- torn up inside, wanting to drink ... but hanging on. You were absolutely determined, you said, to hang on, not to let it get the best of you this time. You cried, poured your heart out in a way I'd never quite seen before. I knew we'd gotten over a hurdle that finally put us on the downhill side. When I started to leave the apartment, you hugged me and said, "You know, I've been sober for six weeks ... "
ken
Still a record for me, thanks to you ...
james
"But maybe today," you said, "is really the first day of my sobriety." Finally, I thought, he is seriously fighting for his life.
ken
I was.
james
And I'd never been so hopeful. I thought we had finally, really-and-truly reached an honest-to-God turning point.
ken
I thought so, too. That time I really did.
james
I rushed home from work that evening. So excited -- we had something to celebrate. I'd even called you at noon and you sounded so good. This time was different! This time the promises and intentions really meant something! Then when I got home -- soon as I walked in -- I knew. It wasn't just that you weren't there, but the place was ... so goddamned hollow! Oh, the furniture was there -- everything was in place. It was the air -- the space. The life had been sucked out of it. I could feel the nothingness ... I could taste the loss. We were right back at the bottom. You'd come dragging in, days later, dirty and stinking. Beg me to help you,. just one more time -- this time would be it. Like some fucking echo I had been sent to Hell to hear my whole goddamned life. You'd promise, I'd promise. You'd cry, I'd cry. Then you'd want to hit on me a little -- probably to show off for the pretty little blond kid you drug back with you.
ken
Hey, you know I didn't mean anything by that crap --
james
(Overlapping)
By the way, those tow-headed little cuties whose names you could never remember always smelled as bad as you did. I just want you to know that!
ken
I was drunk! You can't blame me for the stuff I did. It's a sickness, man!
james
For you and me, trying to live like real people, thinking about the next year or the next month or the next day were just stupid, useless dreams. The goddamned stinking reality was the booze and the tears and the pain. How many times did you stop drinking? And for a while I'd see what you could really be. And each time you'd convince me that there really was the possibility, and that this time -- this time -- would be it. Everything else had just been a painful step to this splendid moment! And, so help me, I almost think you really believed it, too.
You always made me hope. Damn you! That's the worst thing you ever did to me! You made me hope! And the plain, ugly, stinking truth was that there could never be anything for us but misery and hurt. Rearrange it, paint it, spray it with perfume and give it a designer name, but when you dug into it, you'd find shit because that's all there was to it!
ken
James, could you possibly believe that I've really never wanted to hurt you? That all I've ever wanted to do was to learn to love you, to be the kind of man who would treasure you, take care of you --
james
(Overlapping/interrupting)
And can't you see that that's one of the problems? -- even now I want to believe you!
(A beat)
And I can't afford to.
(A pause.)
ken
Didn't happen to see any orange juice in the kitchen, did you?
james
I think that's what was spilled on the stove -- a long time ago.
ken
Wonder if I was trying to cook it.
james
A hot screwdriver?
ken
Sounds lewd ... but worth pursuing.
(A beat)
Hey, isn't this Sunday?
james
Yeah ...
ken
Good. No worry about getting a ticket slapped on your car.
james
That's not the reason I need to get out of here.
ken
Don't suppose you'd want another cup of coffee.
james
I may never drink coffee again.
ken
Hey, you still taking care of Phillip?
james
Who?
ken
That fern Carol gave me.
james
God, I'd forgotten we named it.
ken
Yeah, you insisted on naming everything. What was the reason for that? I've forgotten.
james
Some Swedish movement -- long gone, I'm sure. Most of what I believed in then is.
ken
Phillip the Phern.
james
Fern with a P H. I was a disturbed man.
ken
We could've come up with a better name than that.
james
That was one of the rottenest tricks you ever pulled on me.
ken
What?
james
As soon as you got that plant, you said you had a funny feeling about it -- that as long as it was alive, you would be alive. Then when you pulled out that last time, you left it there. I didn't find it for a couple of days, over in a corner behind some books. It was near death then -- we both were.
ken
You've still got it?
james
He's doing fine. But I let Phillip know a long time ago that he was just like any other plant. He got no special treatment from me. I also promised to resist the temptation to pour bleach on him.
ken
Incidentally, I saw Carol the other day.
james
Great. I always love hearing about your wife.
ken
Ex-wife.
james
A technicality neither of you paid much attention to.
ken
You two were good friends.
james
There were times, when you disappeared from the face of the earth, that we wallowed with each other in the pigpen of our common pity. I'd hardly call that friendship.
ken
Oh, you co-addicts are so poetic.
james
"Pathetic" is more like it. You were the only thing Carol and I had to share. Like two buzzards yanking at the same stinking lump of carrion.
ken
The boys still talk about you.
james
They're sweet kids. I've missed them.
ken
They always ask if I've seen Uncle James.
james
No they don't.
ken
Why don't you go see them?
james
That would be perplexing.
ken
I could arrange it, so you wouldn't have to see Carol. Although she'd probably like to see you again, too.
james
Now there's a reunion that would have all the excitement of a tubal ligation.
ken
She really liked your lemon meringue pie.
james
I gave her the recipe.
ken
But her crust never comes close to yours.
james
She handles it too much. Did she move in with that biker she met at Al-Anon? -- or did she take up with that teacher she met at ... Al-Anon?
ken
Nah, none of that was serious. Just does stuff like that to make me jealous.
james
She did everything she could to make both of us jealous.
ken
Really? I thought she was only after me.
james
Always said she'd never live with you again, after that time you tried to choke her and kidnap the kids ...
ken
She exaggerates -- I think.
james
But she was always phoning -- only during your sober periods, of course, which she could tell psychically, or -- oh, maybe it was because you always phoned her to let her know.
(Making fun of Carol)
"The toilet bowl is leaking. Lester scraped his knee. My gladiola bulbs are rotting. An asteroid is heading straight for me. Come rescue me, Ken! Oh dear oh dear, come rescue me quick!"
ken
What was I supposed to do? If she needed help, I'd go help her.
james
For days at a time.
ken
When I was sober she could be a good friend.
james
And a good lay.
ken
I've told you before, she's one woman that does turn me on.
james
And the only woman you've had sex with.
ken
Sober.
james
Oh?
ken
There are some vague memories I'm not too sure about. Hell, James, you're the only man I've ever had sex with sober.
james
What hall of fame does that put me in?
ken
Besides, I've never claimed to actually be ... like you.
james
One double-bed in our apartment and you wanted your sister to think you slept on the couch.
ken
Hell, James, it's not like we had some kind of special understanding or anything. I certainly never made any kind of commitment to you ...
james
One time you did! A week after you were scraped up off the street and ended up in that de-tox house, you called me -- wanting us to live together again. I was your only hope. You had to have me with you. Same old fucking story. But I thought, goddammit, I'm going to go at this with both eyes open and pin you down with a guarantee. You promised to stick with sobriety for one year, absolutely stick with it, no matter what, and I promised to stick with you during that time, no matter what. We'd live together, as lovers -- as long as you stayed sober.
ken
Those were your terms, not mine.
james
No, man! You ...
(A beat; james recalls the conversation.)
(continuing) james (continuing)
Shit. You're right. I stated my carefully devised offer ... and you said nothing. Just smiled, took my hand, leaned over and kissed me. Stupid shit-ass that I am, I thought that meant something.
ken
And I never liked it when you said we were "lovers." That was your term.
james
So you've said before.
ken
That word bothered me. We were friends ... roommates ...
james
It wasn't the word that bothered you -- it was the responsibility.
ken
Like what?
james
Like the financial support of an apartment, the general maintenance of a car, sharing the needs of home life, the emotional upkeep of a friend, never mind lover. Obligation. Responsibility. Consideration. All of it!
ken
Have you got an accountant to total up what I owe you?
james
Not necessary. What you took from me can't be paid back.
ken
Why are you remembering only the worst of it all now?
james
Because I've walked far enough away from it to see what it really was.
ken
Oh, come on.
james
It took a while to see the truth of it.
ken
You've changed, James.
james
Is my anxiety getting to you again?
ken
You're very different.
james
Good.
ken
I'm not saying it's better.
james
It is.
ken
You're, uh, cynical.
james
Cautious.
ken
There was a soft side of you that's gotten awfully crusty.
james
Chalk it up to a little thing called "survival."
ken
And that's supposed to justify you being hard and uncaring? ... defensive? ... hostile?
james
Whatever you want to call it.
ken
Shouldn't complain, I guess. You did come when I called you to last night.
james
Let's not start that again.
ken
I appreciate it.
james
Fine.
ken
Didn't take you long to get here, either -- after I phoned.
james
Isn't that far.
ken
And probably not much traffic.
james
Not that time of night.
ken
I wonder, though, why you came here.
james
It's where you live.
ken
How did you know where I live?
james
You told me.
ken
No I didn't.
(A beat)
I said I was at home. I didn't give you an address. I wasn't so drunk I don't remember that. I remember noticing you didn't ask.
(A beat)
Do you know every place I've lived in the last two years?
james
Why would I know that?
ken
You do, don't you?
james
Shut up.
ken
How many've there been?
james
Six or seven! ... that I know of ...
ken
God, I don't remember that many. Some of them must have been just long enough for a good binge.
james
That's what I figured.
ken
Was I with any interesting people? Morticians? Senators? Veterinarians? Oh, I do remember a minister. Actually tried to convert me -- then did something with his collar I didn't know could be done ...
james
I'm not interested in all of that.
ken
Sorry. Assumed you knew all of that. Of course, none of this relates to your stable way of life, does it?
(A beat.)
james
Stability isn't everything.
ken
What?
james
Nothing.
ken
I heard what you said. I wondered if you did.
james
What's the big deal? I just said stability isn't everything.
ken
What is? What makes it all worthwhile? You used to say it was love. What gives meaning to life for you now, James? Commuting no more than ten minutes a day? ... being the only one you know who doesn't like Krispy Kreme donuts? ... writing a check for your entire credit card bill each month? Do you enjoy the quiet times with him, even if it's only because you've both said everything you've got to say to each other? ... the candlelight dinners at a French restaurant just because no one cared enough to cook for the other? I'll bet you don't even believe anymore that sobriety is the ultimate goal of the universe.
james
Do you know how much I pity you?
ken
Still?
james
Unbelievable, isn't it?
ken
How much?
james
A lot.
ken
Exactly how much?
james
Exactly a hell of a whole lot!
ken
As much as you love me?
james
You tell me. You seem to have all the answers.
ken
You know love is not a subject I know anything about.
james
Oh, yes. The alcoholic incapable of experiencing love. Do I have to hear this one again?
ken
It's true. I was a drunk by the time I was sixteen -- that's when the emotional growth stopped. I can't comprehend love.
james
So you've hung on to that sophomoric little cliché. I used to think that just might be your excuse to keep from dealing with us ... or anybody. Now I'm sure it was. With an excuse like that, you don't need a reason -- or, it seems, a solution.
ken
Well even if I don't know anything about love, I at least know a little about you.
james
Do you?
ken
About the way you love -- especially the way you love me.
james
Am I about to hear one of the world's great truths?
ken
Yes. You are. Not only have you never gotten over me, but you never will. There's something about me -- about us, together -- that you don't find with anyone else. Of course you pity me. You have to, to feel good about yourself. You probably do hate me in some real, genuine way. But you love me even more -- and you can't ever really love anyone else. If your greatest, grandest, deepest dream could come true, it would be for us to be together -- living clean, and sober, and complete.
(ken gives James a few moments to assimilate what he's said. Then ken goes to James and speaks tenderly.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
James, I know what that's like because ... it's my dream, too. Oh, man, you've got to believe me: The only time I've ever found any happiness at all ... it's been with you.
(A beat.)
james
That's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
ken
(Moving to James with a sense of victory)
James ...
james
But I don't believe a fucking word of it. I don't think you do, either.
ken
James, you've got to believe me, that I want to be with you --
james
(Overlapping/interrupting)
You can still destroy me. I'm not going to let you do it!
ken
I wouldn't, James, I wouldn't do that to you -- I swear to you I wouldn't! Don't you see how much I ... how much I want to love you? ... how damned much I need you?
james
I used to think you did. Oh dear God, how I wanted you to need me -- how I wanted you to know you needed me.
ken
I do!
james
Okay, so you need me! What the hell is that supposed to mean now?
ken
Nothing! Not a fucking thing if you're just going to ignore it and throw it away. It means nothing if that's all you want it to mean!
james
Jesus, stop it ...
ken
But it means a lot, it means everything if you do what you know you should. It means everything ... to both of us.
james
Ken, I never intended to fall in love with you. You were a good time after a late-night party! That's all you were supposed to be. I didn't want to love you then I don't want to love you now! I wish to God I didn't even care!
ken
James, I want to be with you.
james
Be with me?
ken
Live with you. Work at being a team again. Partners.
james
You don't know what the hell you're talking about.
ken
I'll work at it this time, better than ever before. I'll even tell you what I know now: I am gay! See? I accept that! We'll really make it work this time. As lovers! You and me, James -- as lovers! That's a promise!
james
Oh dear Jesus!
ken
Not even Carol, man! Did you hear me, James? You do this and I promise: No more Carol. As much as I am capable of doing it, I'm ... I'm making a commitment to you.
james
For nearly two years I've wondered what I would do if you ever said that to me ... if I'd have the courage to turn you down.
ken
James, you can't say no.
(A beat)
Please.
(A beat)
We'll make it this time. I'm not saying it'll be the easiest thing we've ever done, but we will make it. We will. You'll see. Look!
(ken takes the partial bottle of booze he took from the drawer earlier, opens it, and ceremoniously pours what remains onto one of the trash piles, then drops the bottle there.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
There. It's done.
james
Ken, has anything happened to you in the past two years?
ken
Like what?
james
Have you changed? Are you any different than you were the last time I saw you?
ken
That's what I want you to help me with.
james
Well, I have changed. I have. I've got to have changed! Maybe not as much as I need to, dammit, but ...
ken
What are you talking about?
james
I did used to keep track of you -- where you were living. Then, somehow, you made a move I didn't know about. I had no idea where you were. I'd never felt such panic. Such emptiness. I'd lost you! I asked friends, bartenders, people on the sidewalk, anyone I could think of. Drove the streets for hours, day and night, looking for you. Every time I saw a drunk slumped against the side of a building, I'd check to see if it was you. Night after night I trolled the driveways of every cheap motel in town looking for that green Chevy station wagon, the license number branded on my brain. I knew if I found you, you'd need me -- want me -- when you were through with the binge. You always wanted me when you were sick of the booze and tired of the running. And I wanted to be there -- whenever, wherever, however -- pick you up, take you home -- nurse you back to health, love you back to life.
I didn't go to work for a week. Couldn't sleep. Seriously considered suicide. Even figured out how I'd do it. Wasn't going to be painless, but I figured that's what I deserved. You know what stopped me? I was afraid I'd fucking kill myself and you'd never know I did it! Then what would have been the point? More than wanting to end my life, I wanted to hurt yours forever. I wanted you to be weighed down with guilt and pain for the rest of your life. Just a little payback. Wouldn't have happened that way, of course, but then that's suicidal thinking.
Somehow, at long last, it started getting through to me -- that I had a problem that was totally separate from your problem. And it finally clicked into place: If it was my problem, then, goddammit, I could do something about it!
Finally, I knew, absolutely, that things had to be different. Things had to be different with me. The only place I could make any change at all was right here.
I was at home. The place we'd lived together. I went to the refrigerator, got some apple juice, poured a glass ... and standing there all alone I made a toast: "Here's to the good times, Ken, and to the best of what we had. But now I'm letting go of the pain and I'm letting go of the tears ... because I'm letting go of you."
There was one more thing I knew I had to say. It took a few minutes to get the words out. But finally I did: "Goodbye, Ken. Goodbye."
When you phoned last night, without thinking I drove to the last place I'd known you to live. Surprised you're here. Never known you to be in one place this long.
ken
I've been in and out a few times, as finances waxed and ... well, mostly waned. But I'm here now, and you found me.
james
Lucky me. Anyway, I've worked at getting myself squared away. You have your addiction. I had mine.
ken
Is that what I am to you? An addiction? Well, now you know the truth: Addiction is stronger than any desire or any reason. But nothing is stronger than love, is it, James? You told me one time that love, without any artificial ingredients added, is the purest and strongest thing there is.
james
And I probably believed that.
ken
You don't now?
james
You had a way of making me believe in love, when I thought you were loving me.
ken
I did, man. As well as I knew how, I did love you. In the best way I can, I love you still. As I learn better, I will love you better ... tomorrow ... the next day ...
james
Talking with you about love gets to be very confusing. I have to remember that we aren't talking about the same thing at all.
ken
We're talking about whatever it is you sane and sober ones call love. Look, James, the way you describe love, I don't know what that is. Sometimes I want you and sometimes I need you. I guess for me that's love. But when you get desperate and teary-eyed, I have a hard time knowing what that's all about. I wish I did. Help me and someday I will! It must be wonderful to feel that way.
james
When it's true, it's unbelievable.
ken
I do know that I want to be with you now. I need you. James, please help me out of this goddamned prison I'm in. I don't want to drink my way through life. I really, really don't.
james
Oh no you don't! You've pulled this one on me too many times ...
ken
It's true! If anyone can help me, you can.
james
No, man! I can't help you! You goddamn fucking don't see it: I CANNOT HELP YOU! I can't do it!
ken
Is that what your skinny-assed hawk-nosed over-the-hill recovery-center counselor told you? Huh? You fell for that evil human being's do-it-by-the-Big-Book wisdom? Was he ever a stinking drunk? ...
james
(Interjecting)
Yeah!
ken
... ever know what my hell is? Was he ever going down for the third time when the person he cares about most looks at him with disgust and walks away? Cry and scream till your heart bursts, but no one reaches out to help because you've fallen too far down? Oh, I can hear him now, patting your hand and saying, "There, there. Remember, sometimes you have to love the drunk by getting away from him."
james But you have to love yourself more. |
|
ken ... love yourself more. |
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Goddamned bull shit! What's wrong with loving a drunk like you'd love anyone else -- be there, help him, let him know you care. One thing I understand about love is that I need it. Other people have tried loving me, James, but ... your love is different. I know how good it is. And now you won't give it to me.
james
I got away from you, Ken ... but I never stopped caring for you. And that's all I can offer you now!
ken
(Interjecting; mockingly)
Distance? ... and "Caring"? How very big of you.
james
Maybe I don't love you in the way you want me to -- that's just not possible. Not anymore. But I love you in the only way I can.
ken
Whatever way you "can" seems pretty fucking worthless at the moment.
james
Damn! This hurts.
ken
What?
james
This. Being here. Talking to you ... like this. It makes me hurt!
ken
You should drink more. Does wonders for the hurts. Shit, I'm hurting, too. Can't you see that?
james
You told me lots of times I couldn't possibly know the pain you have.
ken
I'm sober enough to see that you probably hurt as much as I do. Let's give Danny Boy a call and make sure he's hurting, too -- okay?
ken
Leave him out of this!
ken
What did he think about you coming over here?
james
Oh, man ...
(A beat)
He doesn't know.
ken
Doesn't know?
james
Doesn't know where I am. When you called, I grabbed my jacket, told him I had to leave for a while. ... He was in the living room ...
ken
Watching television?
james
PBS.
ken
You were gone all night. What's he going to think?
james
I don't know.
ken
Does he know about us?
james
I've told him ... that you're, uh ... part of my past.
ken
Will you tell him where you've been?
(A beat)
Or will there be little secrets in the marriage, huh?
james
I'll tell him!
ken
Everything? Everything that you really need to tell him?
james
He may not be there so I can tell him anything ...
ken
You've never done anything like this to him before, have you?
james
Of course not.
ken
Of course not. The always-sweet-and-faithful James. Now you have to admit your passionate indiscretion ...
james
(Interjecting)
It wasn't that passionate, or that indiscrete ...
ken
(Continuing his thought)
... and see if he'll still live with you. Or keep your lustful actions bottled up inside, and see if you can live with yourself.
james
Goddamn you, Ken, what do you want from me?
ken Just you, James. That's all. The way you want me. You know that's the way it's got to be. I just want to be with you, so we can reach out and touch when we need to. To know that I can put my arms around you in the middle of the night and feel safe and loved -- to know that you'll always be -- |
|
james Don't ... Shut up! Shut up, I said! |
(james rushes at ken. It's an attack! ken reacts by reaching out and grabbing james's arms, redirecting the thrust and ending up with his arms around james, and james clinging to him and crying. After a few moments, james suddenly and almost violently pushes ken away. james screams hysterically at ken ...)
james
God damn you, Ken! Get the fuck out of my life! I kicked you out -- I walked away from you ... and you still don't go away! -- and I can't stand it anymore!
(As james's hysteria subsides, ken is at a loss as to how to deal with this situation. he reacts primarily as a very perplexed observer.)
(continuing) james (continuing)
You don't understand, do you? -- not at all.
(A beat)
You are my hell!
(Slowly, unsurely, ken approaches james and reaches out in an uncertain wanting-to-comfort gesture. james stiffens at ken's touch.)
ken
Don't ever leave me again, James. For Christ's sake! Things will be different ... they'll be better.
(james pulls away from ken.)
james
I've got to spend a little time with myself, then I'm going home. I have some patching up to do.
ken
It won't work, James.
james
You may be right ... but I hope to hell you're wrong.
ken
How can you live with him when you're in love me?
james
You don't understand a fucking thing.
(james gets his jacket and goes toward the SR door as ken rushes to the phone and dials a number. As ken waits for an answer, he directs his remarks to james so there's no break in the conversation.)
ken
Stable and hairy-chested, I'll bet! Good good good. Never play house with anybody you don't really care about, James. Otherwise you might --
(ken speaks into the phone.)
ken (continuing)
Hey, Gregg? ... Yeah, man, long time. ... Right now, a good friend. I seem to be fresh out. ...
(Laughs; glances at James)
Isn't that the truth? ... Vodka would be nice -- maybe some orange juice? I'll give you money when you get here. ... Yep, sold a couple of paintings yesterday. ... Yeah, I feel a real good hangover coming on, but first I've got to feed it. ... You got it, man. See you soon.
(ken hangs up. james is at the door, ready to leave.)
ken
Just a good friend -- coming over to visit.
(A beat)
I won't drink if you'll stay.
james
What you do is none of my business. Goodbye, Ken.
ken
Wait a minute ...
(ken quickly writes something on a piece of paper, folds it down to fit then slips it into James's pocket.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
My phone number. Call me? ... this afternoon? Please?
(A beat)
You know I need you, man.
(james takes the paper from his pocket and drops it onto a trash pile. ken has picked up the phone.)
james
Don't you think that's a little dramatic? -- especially since you're in the frigging phone book.
(ken has pressed two numbers and now speaks the last five as he presses those.)
ken
... seven, four, three, two, six.
(james stares at Ken, recognizing the number he's dialed.)
james
What the hell are you doing?
ken
Hey Daniel! Come on, pick up the phone, you fungus-ridden little bastard --
(he stops when he hears the door slam following james's exit. ken slams the phone down and runs to the door, again having trouble getting it open, and steps into the hall.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
(Yelling)
You know you love me, James! You know you fucking love me!
(Coming back into the room and slamming door shut)
God damn him!
(ken comes back into the room and goes directly to a corner where he moves some books that are hiding a pint bottle full of vodka. he settles himself comfortably on the bed and uncaps the bottle. he is smiling and enjoying the moment.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
That little rascal's getting playful.
(Takes a big swig from bottle)
But he'll be back.
(lights out.)
-- End of Act I --
Act II
(It's nighttime. The subdued light in the room is that which comes in through the window and from the bathroom where the door has been left ajar.
(The vodka bottle Ken was drinking from is now empty and on the floor beside the bed. Somewhere near the bed there's a very simple dried-out bologna sandwich, with one bite taken from it. ken is asleep on the bed.
(There is the sound of knocking at the door -- normal at first, then loud and impatient.)
ken
(In a daze)
What?
(A beat; louder)
What is it?
(The knocking is repeated.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Who is it?
(offstage) daniel (offstage)
I'm looking for Ken.
ken
Are you a bill collector or the angel of death?
(continuing) daniel (continuing)
Is this where Ken lives?
ken
(To himself)
Oh, well, if I die, I die.
(Calling out)
Come on in!
(The door is opened hesitantly by daniel. he peers in, looking around nervously. ken makes no effort to determine who his visitor is.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Is that you, Gregg?
daniel
Are you Ken?
ken
Get in here. Took you long enough.
(daniel stands in the doorway, uncertain what to do.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Did you bring some ... I did say vodka, didn't I? God, I hope so. And orange juice? Find us a couple of glasses ... kitchen ... may have to scrape'em off first ...
daniel
You've made a mistake here ...
ken
Really? I've never done that before.
daniel
I'm not who you think I am.
ken
I don't think I'm who I think I am, either. But there's no mistake if you brought some booze with you ...
daniel
I, uh ... no ... no, I didn't ...
ken
Then get out before I drink your sweat.
daniel
Are you Ken?
(ken reaches for the empty bottle, picks it up, looks at it.)
ken
Shit. Some asshole drank all the booze. Did I have a party here that I wasn't invited to?
daniel
May I come in?
ken
Thought you did.
(daniel steps into the room and closes the door.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Sure you're not Gregg?
daniel
Quite sure.
ken
(Thrusting bottle toward Daniel ...)
Here. Try some of this. Maybe you will be.
(Again noticing the bottle's emptiness ...)
Aww. The poor baby's empty ...
(Throws the bottle down; to Ken ...)
Maybe if I kissed you, you'd turn into a toad with a vodka bottle? Ba-reep, hic -- ba-reep, hic ... C'mon, let me plant one on you and we'll see what happens. What kind of frog you want to be? Wait! You're already a frog, aren't you -- going back th' other way ... or ...
(Confused)
Which way you going now? I'm all mixed up ... this transfrogmification thing gets real complicated ...
(ken is laughing and enjoying his little joke. daniel just stands there, not knowing what to do. ken finally realizes the futility of his attempts at levity and emits a sigh that reveals his disinterest in this pursuit.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Dammit, Gregg should have been here by now. He's more fun than you ... brings nice gifts -- gold, frankincense, and myrrrrhific vodka.
(A beat)
You don't have a camel with you, do you?
daniel
I don't smoke.
ken
(Bursts into a fit of uncontrollable laughter)
That's it. That's it! Those three guys in bathrobes, stuck on the front of a Christmas card, dragging their sorry asses across the desert, looking for that star with their legs wrapped around a pack of cigarettes.
(Brings his laughter under control)
You're not laughing.
daniel
I, uh ... sorry, I guess I don't get the joke.
ken
I'd already figured that out. I'm a lot looker than I smart.
daniel
My name is Daniel.
ken
You're kidding!
daniel
Yes. I mean, no -- I'm ... Daniel.
ken
Give me a D, give me an An, give me a Yell! Dan-Yell! As in the liar's den?
daniel
I beg your pardon?
ken
We're still talking Biblical here -- only now we're in the Old Testicle.
(ken laughs again. There's no response from daniel.)
ken
James was right. You got no sense of humor.
daniel
Did he say that?
ken
Mmmm, not in so many words. But James was right. James is always right -- even when he's ... all that's ... left.
daniel
Is James here?
ken
I just told you, he's left. Which somewhat pisses me off.
daniel
So he's been here?
ken
Does it piss you off? ... that he's always right, even when he's left?
daniel
So he's been here?
ken
But ... he's ... left. What does it take to get through to you, anyhow? Go ahead, look around.
daniel
I'll take your word for it.
ken
Nobody does that. But he has been here. Whoo! Has he ever ... been here.
daniel
When did he leave?
ken
What time is it?
daniel
Little after ten.
ken
You just missed him.
daniel
Oh. Then maybe he's on his way home ...
ken
(Overlapping)
Why is it so dark in here?
daniel
It's, uh ... nighttime.
ken
Oh. Well, then, guess you didn't just miss him. He's been gone ... hours. Days, maybe. A month? ... year? Oh, how would I know?
daniel
Only since ... last night ...
ken
(Sings -- a melody from Camelot)
"If ever you would leave me, you promised you would phone me ..."
(Grabs the phone and listens, imitating dial tone)
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Thought maybe it wasn't working. A lot of things go bad on me around here ...
(Hangs up; more to himself ...)
Fucker promised he'd phone.
daniel
James did?
ken
He promised me, Girl Scouts' honor, he would phone.
daniel
May I turn on a light?
ken
Why? Do you need to look for something that you think you might've lost here?
daniel
No, I'd just like to talk with you and it would be easier if we could have some light --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
Oh, yeah, your little Jamesy. He sneakily snuck out of his playpen -- maybe he crawled under the bed ... or maybe into bed with somebody else? Oops -- did I say that? Sure, buddy, go ahead and look for him.
(Pulls bedspread, or something, partially over his head)
Light switch there by the door. Do it very, very slowly.
(daniel finds the switch and flips it on, lighting the room. ken screams in mock pain.)
ken
Aaaaaaahhh! Oh, shit! I like darkness so much better. Don't you like the dark? I do. Everything looks so much better when you can't see it.
daniel
Did James say where he was going?
ken
What?
(ken lifts the covering away from his head so he can hear and speak more clearly, and help his eyes adjust to the light.)
daniel
Do you know where James was going?
ken
You really want to find him?
daniel
Yes. I do.
ken
Hmm. Well, just hang around. He'll show up.
daniel
Here?
ken
Oh yeah.
(ken goes into the bathroom.)
daniel
Did he say when he'd be back?
(offstage) ken (offstage)
Not precisely.
daniel
But he actually did say that he was coming back here?
(offstage) ken (offstage)
Not in so many words did he say it, but he'll be back.
daniel
If he didn't say he was coming back here, what makes you think he will be back?... here?
(offstage) ken (offstage)
That conclusion is based on his past performance and my ability to wait the sucker out. Or he waits me out. Well, one or the other, we both display tremendous waitingoutingness. We are very patient people, you know. Both very good patients.
daniel
I see ...
(offstage) ken (offstage)
Should have been back before now. Can't be much longer.
(Comes back in from the bathroom, zipping his pants)
Have a seat. Relax. You look tense enough to bust a belt.
(daniel looks around, wondering where he could sit. ken sees this, goes to a chair, throws the contents on the floor.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Excuse the disarray. Maid phoned in sick.
(daniel sits carefully on the edge of the chair. ken starts looking through ash trays for a butt big enough to light.)
daniel
Please tell me if he said anything about where he was going.
ken
He said he was going home. He didn't, did he?
daniel
No.
ken
How did you know to look for him here at my blesséd little hovel?
daniel
I didn't ... exactly.
ken
Just a lucky guess? Going door-to-door in the neighborhood? You're not a Jehovah's Waitress, are you?
(ken finds a butt that offers little, but he will light that. After he gets a puff or two, he'll put it out.)
daniel
I, uh, wasn't sure what had happened ... when he left last night. He answered the phone, said something about going somewhere -- I thought he was running down to the store at the corner. Later, I checked with the guy at the store, he said he saw James drive off in his car. I didn't know what to think. When he wasn't back this morning, I had to start looking for him.
ken
So why'd you come here?
daniel
I'm ... not sure ...
ken
Oh, shit, you're not a psychic, are you? I do not want you reading my mind!
daniel
Of course not. It's, uh ... well, his address book was open to your name.
ken
So why didn't you check here earlier.
daniel
I was afraid he would be here.
ken
(Smiles at the implication)
Oh. And just why did you think he might come see me?
(A beat.)
daniel
I know he used to care about you. You ... your name sometimes came up in conversations.
ken
It's nice to be remembered. Fondly, I trust.
daniel
Look, I'm fully aware that I, uh, live with a man who hasn't let go of ... of some of the things in his past.
ken
That must be hell for you.
daniel
It can be frustrating. It isn't hell.
ken
Nah, it's hell. We all have our hells. Go on and admit it. Confuscation is good for the soul.
daniel
I was hoping that I could find him --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
Come on, man! Admit it. It's hell!
daniel
(Gets up and moves toward door)
Maybe it would be better if we tried to talk about this some other time --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
Shit, you don't even love him. You sleep with him, watch TV with him, eat with him, shop with him, walk, talk, run and drive with him. But you don't love with him. I can tell. I rode a real-live camel once which makes me very, very wise.
Make sure the door's locked when you shut it -- after you let yourself out. There's a pizza place around the corner. Would you tell them to send me a medium with anchovies on the side and a tanker truck of beer? Put it on my bill.
(A beat)
Go on -- get out of here!
daniel
I don't suppose there's any point in trying to tell you that ...
(A beat)
Goddammit, you don't have any right to make any judgment about what my relationship is with James or how I feel about him, but I will tell you this --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
I said get out! You make me wanna ...
(Suddenly ken is sick. he runs into the bathroom and there is the sound of his regurgitating.)
daniel
(To himself)
Oh, shoot ...
(To Ken; with exasperation ... )
Are you okay?
(offstage) ken (offstage)
No, I'm not fucking okay! I just threw up, goddammit. Perfectly good booze gone to fucking waste!
(A beat)
Maybe I need something to eat.
(There is the sound of a toilet flushing.)
daniel
There's a sandwich here -- on the table.
(offstage) ken (offstage)
There is?
(ken enters, wiping his face with a wet cloth. he sees the sandwich Daniel was referring to.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
Oh. That. Made that for the cockroaches.
daniel
Look, if you can't tell me anything about where James is, then I'll go on --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
Fred and Ginger.
daniel
What?
ken
Fred and Ginger. My pet cockroaches. Trained them myself. They'll dance to any tune I hum for a simple boloney sandwich. I can really get those little feet a-going with "Lady of Spain." Ann Miller was the really good one, but I stepped on her ... may she rest in pieces.
(Takes another look at the sandwich)
I guess they didn't feel like dancing tonight.
(Takes a bite of the sandwich)
(ken closes his eyes and wipes his face for a few seconds with the cloth. When he finishes, he looks very directly at Daniel.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
You still here?
daniel
I was hoping you could give me a clue as to where James might be.
ken
Anything would be a guess.
(A beat)
He used to like to walk. Just walk. That doesn't help much, does it?
daniel
I'm worried about him.
ken
You worry about yourself. Let me worry about James.
daniel
For some reason, that doesn't make me feel a whole lot better.
ken
I just don't think you've been doing a very good job of worrying about him.
daniel
I guess I didn't realize he needs to be worried about, before now.
ken
There may be a lot you didn't realize ... before now.
daniel
(Feeling pockets for his cell phone)
I forgot my cell phone. May I use your phone? Maybe he's back at the apartment ...
(ken motions his approval for Daniel to use the phone. daniel goes to the phone and enters a number. ken continues as Daniel waits for an answer.)
ken
Yeah, he's probably gone home -- gotten his stuff and taken off. Well, now, that's possible. You're old enough to know the truth, Daniel. Love goes down the drain. Glurb, glurb, glurb -- or blurg, blurg, blurg, depending on which side of the equator your love goes down the drain on. But, eventually, always, it goes. Oh, sometimes it backs up, and you've got it again, for a while -- but there's a smell about it to constantly remind you that it's really just the same old shit swirling round and round, contaminating everything. Nothing you want around anymore.
(Not having gotten an answer, daniel hangs up the phone.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
So you know about me and James, huh?
daniel
I know that you had a, uh, rather tumultuous friendship ...
ken
"Tumultuous friendship"? Ha! We were fucking lovers, for God's sake, that's what we were -- off and on. Time and again. Now and then. Did he tell you what a fantastic relationship it was?
daniel
"Fantastic" wasn't exactly the way he described it.
ken
Oh? What was his description?
daniel
Exactly?
ken
Precisely.
daniel
Absolute hell.
ken
Well ... we did have our problems.
daniel
So I gathered.
ken
Both of us.
daniel
Yes, that's what he said ...
ken
And you do know, don't you, that James still -- what was it you said? -- he hasn't let go of some of his past?
daniel
James is a very caring person and sometimes he takes risks which aren't always prudent. The way he cares -- what he has cared for -- isn't always easy to explain.
ken
Oh, my! That's really a very insightful revelation. Did you study Freud, Jung or Reader's Digest?
daniel
(Moving toward exit)
I think we've probably taken this discussion about as far as we can expect to --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
Don't leave me now! I need to talk.
daniel
You have been, with no useful result --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
But I'm not through.
daniel
This, uh, what was his name? Gregg? Maybe he'll be here soon. You can talk to him.
ken
I want to talk to you. I like talking to people like you -- intelligent, thoughtful, fragile. I got nothing to say to Gregg.
daniel
Poor Gregg ...
ken
Gregg who?
daniel
I have no idea.
ken
Oh, yeah -- Gregg. Oh, he's a turd. Why the hell did he phone?
daniel
I'm under the impression there may have been some kind of negotiation having to do with vodka.
ken
Ah, yes. Good old Gregg. Great guy. Russian. Ran into him at the grocery store last week and he was buying potatoes. Figured by now he'd have the vodka made.
daniel
I'm not sure, but it may take longer than that ...
ken
And you really didn't bring a distilled gift with you?
daniel
No ...
ken
How inhospital of you. Well, even if you had, it wouldn't have been vodka, I guess. I already figured you as the sherry type, right?
daniel
No ...
ken
Ah! Then it is the B and B you go for!
daniel
No, not that either ...
ken
What, then? I'll have to lay in a supply of whatever you want if we're going to be friends.
daniel
I don't drink ... and I don't need you for a friend, but, uh ... thanks, anyway.
ken
Huh?
daniel
We aren't going to be friends. And I don't drink.
ken
At all? Not ever ever ever ever ever?
daniel
Never alcohol. Not ever.
ken
God almighty!
daniel
It's no big deal.
ken
Yeah, it is.
(A beat)
Not at all?
(A beat)
That's fucking amazing.
(A beat)
I've heard there were people like that ... but I never knew where you were. How do you do it?
daniel
It's a, uh, choice ... a choice I made ...
ken
Awful fucking noble. Shit, man, that doesn't even make sense. Oh, wait, I got it -- you are one of those religious frantics, right? James got himself tied up with a goddamned religious freak that goes to hell if he drinks --
(daniel moves toward exit.)
daniel
(Overlapping/interrupting)
If James comes by, please tell him I was looking for him. I'd appreciate him giving me a call so I'll know that he's all right --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
Wait a minute! You can't just walk out on me. We were having a goddamned conversation of meaningful enlightenment.
daniel
Is that what that was?
ken
Damned right!
daniel
About what do you think you were being enlightened?
ken
About you, for Christ's sake.
daniel
I have nothing to discuss with you about me. Nor do we have anything to discuss about James. And I simply don't want to talk about you.
ken
Read any new Shakespeare lately?
daniel
But I will tell you that because of a power higher than me and more than I can understand, my life is good and getting better. I love James very much. I know you won't understand that -- and I don't care if you do or not. But I know how damned lucky I am to have him as a friend and a lover. I don't deserve something that good, but by God there it is. What I feel for James -- what he is to me and what we are together -- you wouldn't know what that is. There's no way you could know what that's all about. So don't try to tell me I don't love James, because you flat-out all-to-hell don't know what the fuck you're talking about!
ken
Hm. Reader's Digest mostly, I'd say -- except for those "f" words. However ... I'm beginning to pick up on something else here ...
daniel
Am I supposed to care what that is?
ken
Well, to distort the words of a good friend: I don't care if you do or not. But what I'm hearing -- well, there are certain ... words, expressions ... a syllable here, a diphthong there ... an attitude everywhere ...
daniel
What's your point?
ken
Can you look me in the eye and honestly say that not drinking is no big deal for you?
(A beat)
Hmm?
(A beat)
Well?
(A beat)
Thought not. How long did it take for you to get through all those steps? Twelve of them, aren't there? -- God, I hope they haven't added any. How long did it take you to make all that stuff stick?
daniel
I don't know what you're getting at, and this really isn't anything I want to discuss with you --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
You know what I mean, old buddy -- old buddy old buddy.
(Laughs, with a mockingly menacing tone)
Hey, man, I've gone through those programs. I've been in those places. I didn't learn much of what I guess I needed to know, but I learned how to spot a dried-out drunk when I see one. He's as desperate to hold on to what he has as he was to get it, because he knows he can lose it all in a few seconds. He fills his brain with clichés and gobbledy-gook and accepts a light bulb as a higher power, and waits -- pacing and suffocating ... with the feeling of approaching death in the pit of his being -- waiting to see if he has any strength at all when he needs it. And oh my God, is he ever going to need it!
He scrapes his fingers down to the elbows trying to keep his nose above the slime-line of the cesspool he filled with his own shit. Sometimes he smiles, seems calm, kind of looks like a real human being. His hand may be steady and his voice may be clear. But when you cut him open, you see his insides eaten away with the maggots of every fucking doubt and fear known to humanity.
Danny Boy, my dear friend, you look like one, you sound like one, you walk like one, so I say you are one! At this moment you just happen to be off the bottle! You may be holier than me at this particular instant, but in ten minutes -- hell, two fucking minutes! -- you could be right back down here where I am! Now tell me I don't know what I'm talking about!
(A beat)
Well?
(A beat.)
daniel
My life -- whatever it's been -- is nobody's business, certainly not yours!
(A beat, and ken has a realization.)
ken
Oh, shit. James doesn't know, does he? James doesn't freaking know that you're a fucking drunk!
(ken starts laughing hysterically.)
daniel
Ken, don't -- please -- please don't do something that would cause problems --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
Don't what? What's going on here, man? Why are you hiding this from him?
daniel
My past has nothing to do with James!
ken
Your past has everything to do with everything, man. You've got to own up to this. That's part of the program. Let's see, now -- which step is that?
daniel
Look, I've had my hell. Is that what you want me to say? I have had it! But it was my hell, and there's no reason to push that onto anyone else -- especially not James.
ken
Ah, look at you -- the middle-class duck all middle-class clean in his middle-class pond. Couldn't have been all that bad.
(A beat)
Well?
(A beat)
Nothing as bad as what I go through. Be thankful you hadn't fallen off the bottom rung down to the pit of the incurable.
(A beat.)
daniel
I don't know what to say to you. I've never felt capable of dealing with alcoholics -- all right, other alcoholics. I don't deny that I am one. I am a drunk! -- I am an alcoholic! Is that what you want to hear from me? Does that make you feel better?
ken
Yes, goddammit, it does!
daniel
You're right -- I haven't talked about it with James. And it's still a very real part of my life. The past doesn't go away.
ken
And you can't share that past with your very own lover-boy?
daniel
I go to AA meetings -- usually at noon. James wouldn't know. I share what I have to there.
ken
Do you think James would walk out on you if he knew?
daniel
Because of his experience with you, I think he'd have some very big fears that he doesn't have now. But ... I don't know. I don't think he'd leave me ...
ken
Have him tied down pretty securely, huh?
daniel
I don't feel that way at all. Certainly don't take him for granted, if that's what you mean.
(Trying to lighten the situation ...)
Matter of fact -- he does threaten to leave me sometimes.
ken
Oh yeah? Why might that be?
daniel
Because I can't cook, and I can't dance.
ken
You're kidding.
daniel
I watch a lot of cooking shows on PBS -- try to get the hang of it ...
ken
Cooking's no big deal. He used to hassle me about that.
daniel
Well, cooking isn't the biggest problem. He doesn't mind doing that as long as I wash dishes, and I'm good at that.
ken
Have to admit I never tried that little trade-off ...
daniel
He's such a good dancer ... annoys the hell out of him that I won't try.
ken
Yeah, he loves to dance. Didn't think he'd ever take up with someone who didn't.
daniel
It just never came up before we moved in together ...
ken
Don't you want to?
daniel
I guess so. I mean, it just looks like something other people do.
(ken goes to the CD player and punches a button that starts the sound of music suitable for this purpose. ken goes to daniel and pulls him into position.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
You are going to learn to dance.
daniel
Oh, no. Come on ...
ken
A dance school is not a democracy. You have no vote. Come on, now ... like you're going to lead, right?
(As the conversation continues, ken guides daniel through movements and steps that actually end up producing something that resembles dancing on daniel's part.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
No no, this hand. God, have you ever even seen anyone dance? Were you raised on a farm? It has nothing to do with the way animals mate. Here ... yeah yeah, that's better. Okay, now just hold it. Now the first thing is to get into a position that looks like your dancing.
daniel
Ken, I don't think I can do this ...
ken
You're going to do this, so just shut up. Now look like you're dancing, dammit. You know how it is -- if you look like you're doing something, people think that's what you're doing. If you look like you're pleased with yourself doing it, people will think you're good at it ...
daniel
I guess I don't know what I'm supposed to look like ...
ken
That's something you've got to learn. Success is mostly making people believe what you want them to believe, and hiding from them what you don't want them to know.
daniel
Maybe that's okay for dancing. Not sure I'd want to apply it to much of anything else ...
ken
Including one's past? Well, anyway -- works in my life.
(daniel is making a valiant effort. he is very awkward at what he's doing, but doing better than he thinks he is.)
daniel
I don't think I can do this ...
ken
Can if you want to. But you've got to want to. Open yourself to the music and do what you feel like you've got to do. Any music is easy to dance to, if you just learn to listen.
(they dance for a few seconds.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
You're doing fine.
daniel
Really?
ken
Almost positive.
daniel
I feel silly.
ken
And you look pretty silly, but you're doing fine.
(A beat as they dance)
See, it's not so hard. You're doing it. You're actually dancing.
daniel
Is this all there is to it?
(ken suddenly pulls them into a dip.)
ken
There's also that.
(they go back into the normal dance.)
(continuing) ken (continuing)
But don't try to rush it. Just settle for a little turning right now. Otherwise you stand in one place and get seasick, or travel in a straight line right off the edge of the world. You don't want the dragons to get you, do you?
daniel
I've found enough dragons for this lifetime.
ken
A little practice and you'll be another Charley Yakamura. He was the second best dancer in my high school class. Quit looking at your feet.
(After a few more seconds, they break the dance as ken punches the button on the CD player and the sound of the music stops.)
daniel
Maybe I could enjoy dancing.
ken
You just did enjoy dancing.
daniel
Well, a start, I guess. Thanks.
ken
Oh, it wasn't a free lesson.
daniel
I'm afraid to ask the price.
ken
Just a little conversation. I want you to talk to me. I'm still curious about your past -- why you're excluding James from knowing something that's very important about you.
daniel
James is my lover and my partner -- this is our relationship. It has nothing to do with you.
ken
Would you believe that I really do care about that man!
daniel
I don't doubt that at all.
ken
So I want to know what he's gotten himself into.
daniel
Ken, there's no reason for James to be involved, in any way, in what my life was all about before I met him.
ken
Why do I have a feeling you're not being fair with him? That, somehow, you're not quite on the up-and-up?
daniel
There's no point ... none of that involved him at all --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
Married?
daniel
What?
ken
Were you married?
daniel
Yes, I was.
ken
Kids?
daniel
This is none of your business, Ken!
ken
Have you told James about them?
daniel
He knows I was married. There were no kids.
ken
What kind of job did you have then?
daniel
Why the hell all the questions?
ken
I'm grilling you, goddammit! Can't you tell?
daniel
I don't like interrogation!
ken
Jesus! I'm interested. I want to know about you.
daniel
My life doesn't concern you!
ken
Daniel, I want to know how people climb out of the graves they dig for themselves. I've gotten close to the top a few times -- always lost my grip. Doesn't take long to fall back to the bottom, does it?
daniel
No. It's a very short journey.
(A beat)
Ken, please don't tell James about any of this --
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
I don't understand the secrecy.
daniel
I'll tell him, dammit -- I will! -- when the time's right!
ken
You're a fucking liar. You've had no intention of ever telling him.
daniel
I will! ... I will.
ken
Hmm.
(A beat)
Okay, maybe I'll leave it up to you to tell him the facts ...
daniel
Thank you.
ken
... on one condition.
daniel
Which is ... ?
ken
Tell me how you did it. How'd you get off the booze?
daniel
Ken, I can't tell you anything you haven't heard before.
ken
You don't know what I've heard before. Tell me something!
daniel
Things got too bad for me the way they were. I don't know what more I can say.
ken
(Indicating his surroundings)
This bad?
(A beat.)
daniel
Yeah.
ken
Hard to believe.
daniel
One of the reasons I didn't want to come here. I was afraid it would remind me too much of what I had been through. Being so damned lonely ... tired ...being nothing. I used to like having hangovers -- I liked being sick, because I knew then that I was still alive -- I could feel something. Other times I resented being alive -- feeling anything at all. Finally got to the place where I knew there was no further down to go -- not for me. I could either climb out, or I could stay at the bottom and die.
ken
And when you do get out, there's always the danger of sliding right back down.
daniel
It can happen.
ken
Not very encouraging.
daniel
I did it, Ken -- at least I hope I have -- and I'm still amazed that I've come as far as I have -- so I guess I believe anyone can. You can do it if you want to, but you've really got to want it. Open yourself to the music and do what you feel like you've got to do. But I'll warn you: It isn't an easy tune to dance to.
ken
Yeah ...
daniel
Sorry -- I really don't have any original thoughts on the subject.
ken
I suppose being with the right person helps.
daniel
It's helped me -- a lot.
ken
Don't you ever want to take a drink?
daniel
I've been tempted.
ken
How do you handle it?
daniel
Hard to explain -- something has to happen inside. And with James around, it's easier for it to happen.
ken
And if he isn't there?
daniel
It could be rough.
ken
Like last night?
daniel
My first time not having him around. Yeah ... I did want a drink. Nothing like this has ever happened with us.
ken
And you went out and bought a bottle. Took it home. Poured some in a glass. But at the last minute, you poured the glass down the drain -- then closed the bottle and stuck it away in the back of the cabinet -- just in case next time you couldn't make it through all the way.
daniel
Was that Come Back, Little Sheba? No ... stayed awake all night, hoping the phone would ring. Put the videos in alphabetical order ... mopped the kitchen floor ...
ken
Damn.
daniel
... cleaned the living room carpet ...
ken
I was hoping you were one of the weaker ones.
daniel
... two loads of laundry ...
ken
I get the idea!
daniel
I was trying not to think ... or feel.
ken
Is life really better for you now? ... dried out?
daniel
Yeah. And easier ... most of the time.
ken
So what happened?
daniel
Last night? I just told you.
ken
(Overlapping/interrupting)
The past. Why can't you tell James about being an alcoholic? You've got some good sobriety behind you now.
daniel
It isn't any of your business, Ken.
ken
Yea it is ... now.
daniel
No, it isn't.
ken
Yes, it is. I know about it. I could blow the whistle on you -- maybe just upset your little apple cart real good.
daniel
And why would you want to do that?
ken
Because you and I want the same thing -- and only one of us can have it.
daniel
Which is?
ken
James.
(A beat.)
daniel
Oh.
ken
I'm ready to try it again -- I want to dry out. Soon. I honest-to-God do. And James is the one person who can help me. And he knows that.
daniel
I see.
ken
I'm glad.
(A beat)
I want my chance, Daniel. I want James.
daniel
I don't own him, Ken. He's not mine to give.
ken
I'm glad you see it that way.
daniel
Nor yours to take.
ken
Then it sounds like we have a nice, equal playing field.
daniel
But I'll give you fair warning --
ken
Yeah?
daniel
My relationship with James -- the friendship and the love that we share -- it's very important to me.
ken
So?
daniel
I will not let you hurt James. I will fight you on that.
ken
Fair enough. But who's going to get hurt? -- if you just open your hand to see if he stays ... or flies away.
(A beat)
I dare you.
(A beat)
You've got your sobriety. You're entitled to your Purple Heart and your rejuvenated liver. James has helped you and now he'll help me. That's the kind of guy he is. He likes to help. He needs to help. Especially me. And it is my turn.
(A beat)
Besides, we both know where his real passions lie, don't we?
daniel
When it comes right down to it, it will be James's choice.
ken
Yeah -- and that's what makes it so damned easy.
daniel
I can't imagine for whom.
ken
The victory is mine! ...
(Looks at the empty vodka bottle)
... and there's nothing to celebrate with. Oh, don't look at me like that. I didn't say I was going on the wagon right this goddamned minute! I have to prepare for this. I need James right here by my side first.
(Finds a jacket)
This calls for a drink, and if I have to go out and get it myself, I will -- and I am! Back in the good old days, what was your favorite drink?
daniel
Anything eighty proof or better, but I often settled for jugs of twelve percent.
(ken reaches into a pocket and extracts two or three wadded-up bills and some loose change.)
ken
Wouldn't want to loan me a couple of bucks, would you?
daniel
Sorry. My investments are all tied up in CDs.
ken
Yeah, it's hell being a music-lover, isn't it? Well, then, this is a twelve percent night. I'm counting on you being here when I get back. You can toast my victory and I'll drink to your defeat. Fair enough? Naw, just kidding. I'm not especially wanting you to crash, Daniel. I just want you to keep the fuck out of my way.
(ken moves toward the sr door. As he steps out there is the sound of the cat's meow.)
(offstage) ken (offstage)
Oh for Pete's sake!
(ken is out. daniel turns and moves toward the sl door to exit, hesitates, goes to the phone. he picks it up and punches in a number. After several seconds waiting for an answer, he hangs up.
(There is a sound at the SR door. daniel looks to the door just in time to see it slowly open a few inches -- a hand holding a potted fern reaches in and sets the pot just inside the door. As the door is slowly being pulled shut, daniel goes to the door and pulls it open. james is standing there.)
james
Oh! Hi.
daniel
Hi. I was just calling home to see if you were there ...
(A beat)
I guess it's up to me to invite you in ... if you'd, uh, like to come in ...
(james enters hesitantly and daniel shuts the door. they are both feeling awkward with this encounter.)
james
What are you doing here?
daniel
I was looking for you.
james
Oh ... yeah. And you came here ...
daniel
It was just a guess.
(A beat)
Isn't that our fern? Why did you bring it over here?
james
It's, uh ... actually Ken's. I decided it was time to bring it back to him.
(A beat)
I'm sorry, Daniel.
daniel
I've been worried about you.
james
I knew you would be.
(A beat)
I'm sorry. It was a rotten thing to do.
daniel
I'm glad you're okay.
(A beat)
You are, aren't you?
james
Yeah ... I think so ...
(A beat.)
daniel
So, you were here ... all night?
james
Yeah ... but it isn't quite what it sounds like.
daniel
You didn't sleep with him?
james
We actually did sleep -- in the same bed. Not that I got that much sleep. He was drunk. Even if he could have ... performed, well, "performance" was the furthest thing from my mind ...
daniel
Suddenly I don't hurt quite as bad as I did.
james
He still had a bit of his power to get to me, and I guess I thought for a minute I could ... do something for him. Stupid me. Where is he?
daniel
He stepped out a few minutes ago. Went to the store.
james
His short-form shopping list, I'm guessing.
daniel
I think there was only one item on it.
james
So ... now you've met him.
daniel
Oh yeah.
james
And you talked?
daniel
More than I wanted to.
james
Well?
daniel
Well what?
james
What do you think?
daniel
About ... ?
james
Him.
daniel
Is it important? -- what I think?
james
Curious.
daniel
What do you think?
james
Nothing's changed. Not one damned thing. He's still a drunk.
(A beat.)
daniel
So ... have you made any, uh ... decisions I should know about? ... About him. You. ... Us. ... He wants you back, you know.
james
He told you that?
daniel
I think he's serious.
james
He's always serious when he thinks he wants to quit drinking.
daniel
Maybe he means it this time.
james
He always means it. I know how his kind operate.
daniel
Do you?
james
Trust me.
daniel
Maybe you could help him.
james
My track record on that score isn't real good.
daniel
You've helped me in a lot of ways.
james
You've helped me, too. But it's not the same thing.
daniel
He really does want to be with you again. Seems pretty damned determined. He thinks that's what you want, too -- you know ... bottom line.
james
There's no life for me with Ken.
daniel
You're sure?
james
To be real honest ... I guess I won't ever think of Ken without hurting a little, but ... yes, I'm very sure.
daniel
Well, then, I, uh ... guess I'm kind of wondering about us.
(A beat.)
james
Me, too.
(A beat)
I spent a lot of time thinking today, Daniel. There's no way I can go back over old ground -- back to Ken and all of that. Not anything I would even consider now. I like what you and I have had together. I hope I haven't ruined that.
daniel
James, look -- I'm sorry, but what happened here --
james
(Overlapping/interrupting)
I want my life with you, Daniel!
(A beat.)
daniel
That's what I want, too.
(But daniel keeps a distance. they look at each other uncertainly. The silence is awkward.)
james
Funny. We just said all the right things -- but something's still wrong, isn't it?
daniel
Yeah -- I'm afraid so.
(A beat.)
james
What?
(A beat; fearful of what's coming)
What is it?
daniel
I haven't told you everything.
james
About what?
daniel
Me.
(A beat)
James ... I'm an alcoholic.
james
What?
daniel
A dried-out drunk.
james
Daniel, what in hell are you trying to tell me --
daniel
(Overlapping/interrupting)
I'd only been off the stuff a few weeks when you and I met.
james
Wait a minute! You're trying to tell me that you are one of those --
daniel
(Overlapping/interrupting)
Yes, James! I'm an alcoholic.
(A beat -- then james has a terrifying thought.)
james
Oh my God, you've started drinking again!
daniel
No no.
james
Getting ready to? Why didn't I see it --
daniel
(Overlapping/interrupting)
No, James. That's not it! I think I'll make it through today okay ...
james
So what's the deal? Why didn't you tell me?
daniel
When you and I decided to live together, I had no real expectations about ... a "relationship." At the time, it seemed to be more a decision of convenience than a commitment of lives. I liked you, we got along together. To me, at the time -- well, that was reason enough to live with someone. I'd never lived with a man before, so that seemed as good a way to go about it as any. I was lonely, scared ... still struggling with the early stages of recovery -- and you made everything easier for me. And I couldn't even thank you for that, because ... I still had a past I was trying to hide, that I didn't want you or anyone else to know anything about. I didn't see how I could possibly stay in one place, how I could be with you for any length of time. So, the way I saw it, there was no point in putting any great emotional investment into "us," even if I'd thought I had anything to give. I didn't think there was any way that it could ever last.
But something happened I hadn't counted on. I started finding out what it was like to really care about someone, and for someone to honestly care about me when I was sober enough to kind of understand what that was all about. That was unfamiliar territory for me. Then, as a little more time went by, I began to realize I was experiencing something deeply that was completely foreign to me. I didn't even know what it was at first. I was in love, James -- with you. And that scared me. Still does. And I'm still not sure how to go about doing it.
I've told you I was married. Something I did for all the wrong reasons. But that didn't keep me from being angry that she would divorce me -- the real anger being that she saw through to what I really was: nothing but a damned drunk. On the day our divorce was final, I, uh ... I did a real stupid thing. She was living with her parents then, I went over to their house -- they weren't there -- broke in, went to her room and cut up her clothes, broke furniture, put holes in the wall; wrote a few very appropriate notes on the living room wall with her favorite lipstick, took what money I could find, couple of credit cards, car keys. I was drunk, of course. Stayed drunk all the time then. I'd lost everything I had, and I figured they owed me. After all, she had been the one to make me drink, right? Good old reliable alcoholic thinking. I took her mother's new Lexus and left. To this day, I have no idea what happened to that car. Some time later, somewhere, a guy in a liquor store cut the credit cards up and wouldn't give them back. By the time I finally sobered up a little bit, I was a long ways from home -- and all I had was one car key, forty-seven cents in dimes and pennies, and what was left of her tube of lipstick. But a drunk will not be denied his drink -- you can be sure of that.
The next several weeks are a blur. I remember sleeping under freeways, eating out of garbage cans, pissing in doorways and vomiting in alleys. I don't know how I survived it. I don't know how I ended up here, in this town.
Getting into AA is still hazy to me -- I just know somebody was doing a lot of pushing and somebody else was pulling. God bless'em, whoever they were. There was a halfway house ... job-help programs. There were people who helped, people who understood, people who cared. God bless'em all.
A lot of weeks passed before anything started making much sense, and by then I'd been off the booze a while and was pointed in a better direction. No great revelation or anything -- no shining light or booming voice. I was just so damned fucking sick of the booze and what it did to me I couldn't stand it anymore. I was tired of running, tired of hurting, tired of fighting everything ... so I guess it seemed like the course of least resistance right then just to stay sober for a little while. I knew there'd always be time to drink later. But I got stronger, more determined, and finally knew that the sober way was the way I wanted to keep my life. So ... here I am.
I'd only been off the stuff a few weeks when you and I met. Gotten myself squared away a little ... getting the hang of a decent job ... looked halfway presentable, I guess ...
james
Oh, you cleaned up real good.
daniel
But there's that stuff back there that I haven't cleaned up yet. I stole, I cheated, I lied, I ran ...
james
Which doesn't sound like the Daniel I know.
daniel
Because you've never known the real Daniel. That Daniel wouldn't let you in -- to meet the man who is always very afraid -- of being found out, of being destroyed, of failing again and ...
(A beat)
... losing everything that's ever really meant anything to him.
james
Oh, Daniel, I'm sorry you've been going through this alone.
daniel
Don't go getting all soft-hearted, James. I'm not a person who deserves sympathy.
(A beat.)
james
So, uh ... what happens now?
daniel
Happens?
james
To us ... to you. To me!
(Suddenly angry at himself)
God damn it, why do I keep getting myself into this kind of fucking mess! Am I capable of only loving people who are fucked up in some crazy, twisted way? Jesus! How do I know you're not going to start drinking again! -- and running! What kind of assurance do I have that this isn't going to be Ken all over again?
daniel
None, James! None! I can't promise you that it won't ever happen again! But I'm not doing it now, I don't want to do it now, and I pray to God that I'll have the strength not to do it before I go to sleep tonight.
james
Why? What's to keep you from doing it?
daniel
Because I'd lose myself, again, James!
(A beat)
And I'd lose you!
(A beat)
And I don't want to do that.
Because of all the crap I've been hiding, I haven't let you really get to know me. Sometimes I feel like we've never really met.
I haven't given everything to our relationship that I have to give -- everything I want to give. There's so much more I can do ... so much more we can be.
(A beat)
Oh, James, I am so damned scared right now.
james
I'm sorry, Daniel. It's just that ... I'm scared, too -- of what I might lose ... what we both could lose. I'm afraid of ... being afraid.
daniel
I know.
(A pause.)
james
I am with you, Daniel.
daniel
But will you be?
james
What do you mean?
daniel
I've got to go back there and ... do whatever it takes. I don't know what I might run into.
james
Oh God ...
daniel
Hell, I could end up in jail. I don't think her dad will charge me with anything if I pay him back -- and that'll take more than what I've got. But it's got to be done ... and I can't ask you to be here when I get back, because I don't know when that will be.
(A pause.)
james
Why don't I just go with you? ... so you won't have to wonder?
daniel
Oh, James ...
(they move into an embrace and a kiss that is deep and meaningful for several seconds. When they finally break, james has an especially pleased expression.)
james
Whew! My God! I'm learning new things about you already!
daniel
(Holding out his hand)
Very glad to meet you, James. I am Daniel.
james
(Holding hands)
Very pleased to know you, Daniel. At last.
daniel
Let's get out of here and go home.
james
I'm thirsty.
daniel
Stop for coffee?
james
Eww! I've given up coffee.
daniel
Oh, that'll be the day.
james
Believe it.
daniel
When did this happen?
james
Very recently.
daniel
It won't last.
james
Probably not. But a Coke's what I need right now. Oh, wait a minute ...
(james goes and gets the fern by the door and sets it in the middle of the bed.)
daniel
That must mean something.
james
I've had my secrets, too. I never told you the story of Phillip the Phern -- with a P H. I'll tell you on the way home.
(As james is standing there, looking at the fern on the bed, daniel comes up behind him, slips his arms around him, and speaks gently ...)
daniel
I love you, James.
(james closes his eyes and leans back into daniel, who kisses him on the neck.)
james
I know. I can tell.
(Then, with an obvious bent for the mischievous, daniel breaks the embrace.)
daniel
Just a second. There's something I want to do before we leave.
(daniel goes to the CD player and pushes a button that starts the sound of dance music appropriate for this moment.)
james
What are you doing?
daniel
May I have this dance?
(james is puzzled, but smiles, then moves to daniel and they begin to dance. daniel isn't dancing great, but he's doing okay. they dance for a few seconds before james speaks.)
james
You're full of surprises tonight.
daniel
Can you take one more?
james
Don't push your luck.
daniel
I've decided ... I'm going to take cooking lessons.
james
Well I hope your cooking teacher is better than your dancing teacher.
daniel
Now now! It's the thought that counts.
james
It sure as hell is.
(they cling to each other in absolute joy, much closer than they've ever been. As they dance, oblivious to all else in the world, ken appears outside, peering in at them through the window. In one hand is a brown paper bag with his wine bottle, from which he's been drinking. he sees James and Daniel and his expression conveys his realization and his disappointment. they remain unaware of him. ken keeps his eyes on them as he takes a drink from the bottle, and lights fade.)
-- The End --